My Annual Post

Seriously, I hate that I take a hiatus away from this. I think I would be much happier if I wrote more consistently.  What made me come back this time is that someone commented on a post for 2014 that I wrote about being a toxic friend. That comment gave me a little motivation to try my hand at this again because she said it truly helped her. That’s something right?

Well, let’s do our annual look back at my resolutions from last year:

  1. Wake up earlier to take advantage of having breakfast, coffee and writing. Yes, writing here (or at least reading for inspiration).
    • I started this because I was inspired by my friend Jackie. She’s great with it. I want to keep with it this year.
  2. Pay more attention to my finances since I will be finally getting an apartment that that’s not provided as part of my employment compensation.
  3. Eat & sleep well. I’ll thank myself in a year.
  4. Continue to take risks and rise. I’m capable of more than I realize.
    • Part of this includes having more honest interactions with others. Even if they do not respond well, I’m a better person when I say what I feel.
  5. Do something that makes me happy each day – even on that tough days.

Well, we all know how that first one turned out. However, I did get that apartment that I wanted. I did not eat as well, but I took more advantage of sleeping more. I think the fourth one was the most important on the list. I took a huge risk and I quit my job in September. I’ll have to write about that one soon. And I’m slowly finding more things that I can do to stay happy – I am proud of my progression this one.

I haven’t put much thought into resolutions for this year. I want to be happier and healthy, that should count for something. I want to really put some roots down in Boston. I’ve made some really great friends and I want to harness that. I feel like my life is finally starting to take shape and that’s a good thing. I really want to start living my best life.

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Be Good to Yourself

It has definitely been awhile since I’ve last wrote something. I chalk it up to being “too busy” with finishing the end of the semester with grad school (damn lit review) and my job always being incredibly busy at the end of the semester. Usually a something I want to write about comes to me in the shower, while I’m driving or daydreaming. I haven’t felt all that inspired to write anything lately, but with it being the last day in 2014, I figure that I should probably write <em>something</em>.

What’s that? You want another cliche post about end of the year reflections and hopes and dreams for the upcoming year? Cool, I’m here to please.

I’ve already done a lot of reflecting this year as the year was progressing. I will say 2014 was an interesting one. I accomplished many things I’m quite proud about. I lost 30 lbs this year. I became a runner (but really slacked the last three months). I fell in love with my job and my students. It’s weird that I’ve gone two weeks without them so far and I miss them terribly (don’t tell them that). I’m really glad to have let some ideas and people go, but happier that I’ve let some new people into my life and developed new thoughts and ideas for the future.

The greatest thing 2014 has given is books. Lot of books. Specifically, young adult novels. For my graduate program, it required me to read a lot of YA novels and it made me wish I read when I was younger. It would have helped me process being an awkward teenager and maybe I would have made different decisions. I’m glad to being YA now though and I plan to use these books all throughout my career in some way. Reading makes me a feel a way that no one has (or can).

As I look to 2015, all I really want to do is continue to make improvements on what I’ve done in 2014. I would to lose another 30, I would love to read more books and I want to stay dedicated to my happiness. It’s too easy for me get angry, jump to conclusions and get down on myself. It pulls me down to this dark and twisty place (bonus points for knowing that reference) and it’s so hard to get out. The only way out is to be good to myself and the only way to avoid going there is to be good to myself. So, 2015 will the be year of being good to myself.

I’ve made a list that I’ll make copies of and leave places like my office and apartment as daily reminders of how to be good to myself:

  1. Eat & sleep well. Indulge a little.
  2. Enjoy the little things.
  3. Celebrate the little victories even if I’m my own cheering section.
  4. Stop comparing – what other people think of me or do is none of my business.
  5. Exercise regularly for a whole year.
  6. Stop texting so much and call more often.
  7. Let the little things go. If it doesn’t matter in five years then it doesn’t matter.
  8. Never lower my standards for anything. I have standards for a reason.
  9. Never wait for others to encourage me to do something – just do it.
  10. Take a risk. I may live to regret it, but at least I lived.

What’s your list?

Do I Have to Make a New Year’s Resolution?

Yes, yes I do. New Year’s resolutions are usually a list of disappointments that I am going to find in four months and then again in a year when I realize I maybe accomplished one of the things on that list. I am little bit more determined this year because there are things I actually want to do. I want to continue to be awesome in grad school. I want to be so kick-ass at my job that my supervisors can honestly say how proud they are of my work. I want to find who really is my friend and will be here with me in fifty years. To find that out, I need to be a better friend. However, making a list a mile long is what leads to disappointment. I need a concise resolution and I think I know what it is. Here’s fair warning: my resolution is corny and unoriginal. You may actually laugh and judge me. If you do laugh and judge, it’s one of the reasons why I need to make this resolution and hold myself accountable. For the first time in a long time, I want to be happy and love myself.

Simple, right? I believe that if being happy and loving myself is the goal, all of the other things I mentioned will follow. This resolution will force me to figure out what it means for me to happy. I’ve got a bit of a head start on that though. So far, it means me not depending on anyone else for my own happiness or waiting for something to happen to me to be happy. I didn’t think I used to do this, but I definitely do – I wait to have something to look forward to instead of giving myself something to look forward to. I need to be the one that can bring excitement to my life. As far as loving myself goes, this is by far the toughest one. I have gotten much better with this, but still have a long way to go. I’ll be honest and say a decent part of this is appearance based. I’ve gotten comfortable with knowing I’m a larger guy, but I don’t love the way I look. It is not because I’m shallow or because society tells me I’m too big, but because I know I don’t have to be. I know if I consistently put in the hard work the results will come. So at this time, I don’t love myself this way. I don’t love worrying about health risks and if I really need that cookie. I hope in a year, I can love myself a bit more because I set out to accomplish a difficult task and I did it. Support me!

This past year has had the most incredible ups and downs. I’ve made no secret in saying that twenty three has sucked hardcore. I’ve definitely had some really bright moments, but on the whole, I’m disappointed with the past year. A friend kept asking me why I’ve been feeling this way and I’ve realized its an overall disappointment with myself. I feel like I haven’t been the best person. Friends are so important to me and I haven’t been that great to them. So, with being happier and loving myself in 2014, I want to work to be a better person not just for myself, but for other people. This means making amends, but taking huge risks. I want the thrill of taking a risk and being okay when I fail and feeling awesome when I get it right. I told you that this would be corny and cheesy and I am probably making a resolution that millions of other people are making, but it means something to me. What’s most important is that I feel that it is an attainable goal. Wish me luck!